Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Here I am

I know I have also been gone for a while, but man I just wnat to know where the time has gone everyday. I get to work and think I am going to Blog that day, but then I end up not even being able to get to it. Like I started to write this and it has now been 2 hrs. Than I have only been able to write a very little, Hopefully everyone is doing good. I AM for a change. I will blog later gotta go for now. LOVE, HUGS and KISSES!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Men Suck

Im going to take a min of my work time to vent on the stupidity of all men. I think I have become a feminist. In the past week every guy that at one point was close to me has stabbed me in my back and left me to die. I have nothing but hate in my heart right now for all men. It is like something has finally snapped inside me and I dont want to be near any, talk to any and dont want to help any. I had a friend who got mad at me because I would not allow him to borrow money. Your a MAN, Get your own money. Because I chose not to give him the money he talked really bad to me and went out of his way to start a whole bunch of shit in my life. Then there is another one who decided he was going to Start fixing my car, and guess what got mad because he had no help and left. Left the car with part of the engine sitting in my yard.
It seems men have become very lazy and expect us as woman to do everything without busting their ego's, I say hell SCREW YOU AND YOUR EGO!!
Everytime I have fallen in life I have picked myself up and kept going. So why cant you not do the same? Everytime I have needed something I have went out and worked for it myself. Everytime some one has needed something from me I have went out of my way to help. But NOT ONE TIME, did I EVER throw it in their face.
There is a whole bunch more I could say, but as you can tell I am very angry right now. I cant change it as quick as I would like to but, this just gives me more motavation to take charge and take care of my life while busting balls along the way. I will write more later. I love you all, hugs and kisses.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Why??

I know I haven't blogged in a while but so much is going on in my life right now. Not good things either. I have become very depressed with life and my life and everything in it. I have tried and tried to pull myself out of this hole but the more I try to get out the deeper in I fall. I have gotten to the point of not wanting to wake up, not wanting to go anywhere, not wanting to do anything. I haen't been like this in so many years, Im not sure why I am like this. Yes my car broke down and still is not fixed. My boss is the biggest bitch / lier I have ever encountered, so my job is horrible right now. My house is still in disaray because I cant bring myself to do shit with it. the people who have helped me are not throwing it in my face as if I like to ask any one for help. It just is shit on top of more shit. I can careless if I wake up each morning. I can careless if the sun rises and the sun sets. I can careless if my house is never put together, I can careless if I lose my job. I know this is not the normal happy blog. But not everyday is happy, not everyday can you be optimistic about everything. This is just raw truth with the way I feel. I hope everyone is doing better then I am. I will try to blog again when Im happy or when life is better. Until then I hope everyone enjoys what you have.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Hard Times

It seems as if everyone around me is having a hard time in life right now, Im no exception to this right now either. Last Friday, My ex-landlord to which I had it out with stole my boyfriends check form the mail box and won't give it up. I called the police and they told me it is just better to have a new one issued to him vs having the police get involved. So that will be another two weeks before he even gets it. Then as I am driving home from work my car breaks down. The engine has to be replaced. This is the second Crysler that I have had that has needed a new engine put into it. I am lucky though because I have really good friends that have been helping me get back and forth from work. Then on Friday night one of my stupid cats ran away. By the end of the night I was completly done. I felt depleted and like the whole freaking world was against me.
On satuarday I woke up and tried to look at the good side of everything, if there even was one. At least my car broke down on the way home from work on Friday. At least I didn't have to go anywhere over the weekend. At least I was stuck at home since I still had a lot of stuff to unpack and rooms to still paint. I didnt get board, until sunday night. I keep trying to be very optimistic about everything.
At the same time Im not really happy right now. I have to keep my head up though because what does not break me will only make me stonger. Then I question too how strong is a person suposed to be? I guess I will also figure that put in time. I hope everyone has a super great day. Hugs N Kisses.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

My sisters IUD story

If you have a weak stomach please don't look at the pictures that follow.

I am writing this as my way of preventing another woman from going through what I just did. Please pass this info on to other women and guys you too, don't be shy to help out a friend.

In October of 2007 after the birth of my baby, I decided to get the IUD/IUC (birth control) inserted. My thought was I wouldn't have to remember to take the pill and I wouldn't have to deal with the side effects from them any longer.
So, at my 6 week check up I talked to the Dr. about it and a few weeks later I was in the office again to get it done. I was left in a room to look over the brochure and then the nurse handed me a paper saying these are the side effects, I didn't sign it cause I wanted to hear about a few things first. So, I told her that and she said in order to get it done we need to have you sign and the Dr. would go over it with me when she got in the room. I Remember thinking as I read over the info that it was kind of scary.

I asked the Dr. about the part where it says there is a 1 in 10,000 chance it could get embedded in the uterus. She said there was a risk but has never had anyone have a problem
and I'd be fine. A few more questions and I was on the table ready to get it done. My heart pounding and a sinking feeling of concern I almost said no. But she pushed it and said that I'd be covered right afterwards to have sex again. Hmmm, need I say more?

I have to say it did not feel good at all. They have to induce you to get it done. OUCH!! I was told to take something for pain because I'd be having cramping and some spotting. I did that and a few days later I felt a sharp pain and called her right away. She said it's normal and to come back in 2 weeks for a follow up to make sure it's in the right spot. I did and she did the exam, couldn't find it. No string, no IUD.

She said it must have fallen out. I told her it didn't, but she insisted it had and I didn't notice it. WHAT the FREAK? I was mad and told her to check again and she did nothing. Dr. said it fell out, common. I got pissed and said it didn't fall out, I think I would notice something in the toilet like that.

She did an ultrasound and faintly seen it, but it wasn't visible. I was told to come back in a week for an internal ultrasound. I did and they couldn't see it. Again she was pushing me and I got upset, saying it did not fall out and I'm hurting, please do whatever you can to find it. She sent me to get an x-ray. Guess what? It was in my still and not embedded in my uterus, it was in my abs somewhere.

I went back one week later and she said it's there and we need to do surgery to get it out, but I don't do surgery you'll have to go to another DR. for that and then she gave me a hug and said , "I'm sorry this is happening to you.".. I just looked at her and wanted to body slam her right then and there. Yeah you're sorry, but I was crazy to think it didn't fall out. Yeah ok....

I got a number to another Dr. and made an appt. Seen here and she said I'd have to have a Laparoscopy surgery that is where they use a light-transmitting instrument to view the pelvic organ. The thing that has lights and they are able to make 2 small cuts to see inside the body.

She said it would take over 30 days to schedule and go through the insurance. I agreed to get it done asap. I left so upset, and confused.

Two months later I still didn't hear from the Dr. who was to perform the surgery, so I called and made sever attempts to discuss what was going on, no return call. SO, I finally called my sponsor at the insurance company.
(Military)

They were so upset that they appointed a Navy Officer to oversee my case as an URGENT patient. I talked to them all for about a few weeks and got a new Dr. who seen me, did a few more tests like another x-ray, a Sonohysterography, It's where they take a saline infused image of the uterus and uterine cavity using ultrasonography while sterile saline is instilled into the uterine cavity. YEAH---Not fun. I think I cried a little.

It was there still, so I was scheduled for surgery on December 26th 2007. Boy was I relieved. FINALLY got someone to listen to me and take care of it.

I had surgery, woke up and was told they couldn't find it. It had moved and they searched without seeing it.

If I wasn't doped up I'd of screamed. After healing from the 2 little scars I had due to that surgery, I had to go back for more tests.
I had to have a Hysteroscopy, a way to look in the uterus. It's a thin, telescope-like device that is inserted into the uterus internally. They couldn't see it.
Then I had another one that hurt like heck, Hysterosalpingogram inject you with dye in the uterus, it flows through the fallopian tubes and uterus.
Since I was trying to keep calm as the dye they injected me with took its course, I said hey isn't that it there?

Sure enough there it was. It had gone from in front (center) to the left by my hip bones. He took sever pics of it and had me go get an x-ray right away. I did and asked the girl taking the x-ray where it was, it had moved to right above my hip bones and under my ribs.

Mind you it started in the front of my body where the uterus lies to the center again. So for an entire year I've been dealing with pain and it moving to hear it moved again.

Appt for surgery was set and on September 17th, 2008; I went in. I woke up and heard they got it, I was so happy. Then he told me where they found it. It was wrapped up and tangled in my intestines. It poked a hole in the fat that lines the intestines, so when they removed it they stitched that up. That is probably why it kept moving. But, I am now IUD free. I also have a nice 6 inch scar on my lower abs. How nice is that 3 kids later, no c-sections and NOW, I get a scar?
But here it the kicker, it wasn't done nice and neat, no I have to get used to it and hope to get someone to cover it up with a new tattoo....

So please if you hear anyone talking about getting one, please pass on my story. Sorry it was so long, but there is so much info to this.
I've looked online and seen countless problems with this brand and others. Not good.

Thanks for reading.



Here is a picture of the Mirena IUD:



Here is what it looked like when they found it:

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Old House

Okay everyone I know this is going to be a little disturbing but, here we go. Yes everyone knows I have been and did find a new home. One more suitable for me and my family. The old house was so bad that I took pictures of it to cover my butt. Because my old land lord is saying she is going to take me to court. But I will get to that at a later date. I am really embarrassed to put these up but just tell me what you think.
My Moldy Nine West Shoe
The shower that was never fixed
The hole behind my shower in my closet
Upstairs attic that was falling in
Huge crack under front window
In the Kitchen Leaking water.

There are so many many more pictures. But I am the bad tenant. Really please I cannot tell. I am happy to say all things have been moved out and to my new house. I still have a long way to go, but it is finally out of there. I hope everyone is doing good.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Here and running.

I have been so so busy lately trying to get everything ready to move. I will be doing it in the next week. I have stripped wall paper, painted and painted. Now I have been in the process of packing my other house up.
I have been stresses out by work, the pressure because of the economi is unreal. I dont know why business owners think that people are willing to give money away. Then when I say well, it will get worst before it gets better everyone tells me no. We will see.
Now, last week I got home from work and my dogs were ready to run out the door, I thought they really had to go to the bathroom. So upon walking into the house I noticed that the cats took off to. Now, at this time I have hardwood floors in my house, I seen water a lot of water on the floor. So, I kept walking, I noticed glass all over the floor, and rocks. My damn animals knocked my fish off of his table. I was cleaning it all up in the hopes of finding him. I knew he would be dead after being out of water that long. But guess what I never found him. Someone ate him. I was so very upset. Every animal in my house got their butts wooped. I was so mad, it's like having a bunch of unrulie kids.
That is to the extent of what has been going on in my life lately. I hope everyone else is doing good. HUGS & KISSES.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Friday, September 5, 2008

The Beauty

There are things in life that bring you a smile everyday. It maybe seeing a loved one, it maybe watching a child taking it's first steps, it maybe the excitement of your animals as you walk through the door. I think there are to many times other then not, that we take for granteed all the glorious things we all have in our lives that bring us joy. I think we get so wrapped up in the drama or stress of work, home, family & friends that we forget about the bigger picture.
We are here to live and love life. Not to always be boggled down by what is demanded of us as Americans. Yes, you have things that have to be done everyday. But why not learn to enjoy what you do. Why not learn to eliminate all the crap and see things for the simple nature that they are. I don't believe there are as many complicated situations as there are people who make them more complicated.
I prefer to live in simplicity, love to make things easy but also with lots of love. I think we need to quit looking at life as if all the wrong things while not allowing ourselves to see the good. If we are not happy with where we are in life, who really is to blame? Ourselves, we will never allow our lives to be anything other then what we are will to accept. I keep listening to my mother complain about how horrible her life has became. Well, like I told her you need to suck it up and deal with it. It would not be this way if it were not for the choices that you have made. I think people want to find someone else to blame for their lives being the way they are. Truth, your life is what you make of it. It is what you do. I heard the most awesome thing last night I would love to share with you all. So read this and enjoy your weekends.

"In The Beginning, We Make Our Habits. In The End, Our Habits Make us."
- Mark Capulet

Thursday, August 28, 2008

A little Help Maybe

So, I have been working on my new house, tring to pack the other house and working so everything lately has been super crazy and busy.
I came to work yesterday morning and there were two puppies outside, I knew they were not even a year old yet. A lot of people around here were scared and would not go by them. So me being who I am I went to them. They were both females that were just real lovers, and didn't want anything other then attention. The receptionist had called animal control to come pick them up. I told everyone if they would let me I would take them home until I could find them a home, I hate animal control. The maintance men came to get the dogs to put them up until animal control came. I told the guy Jody if they are going to put them to sleep DO NOT let them leave here. I will take them home. I can not deal with babies being put to sleep. So, when the person came to get them they told him, "They are no longer a kill sheltor." So he let them go. I called and the lady who answered the phone told me if no one came to clam them in the next three days they WOULD put them to sleep. I asked her if I could leave my # with them and if no one claimed them then I would come back to get them. She told me I could not do that. I would have to come down there and fill out a adoption sheet for them. I went home last night had conversations with people, cried about it and so on. I really had it set in my head I was going to let it go, I already have 2 dogs and 2 cats and really cannot take in anymore animals.
I woke up this morning and could not get it all out of my mind. Some how as I was driving on my lunch break today I ended up at the sheltor. I went inside and waited to see if I could put my name on them so that way they would not be put to sleep. I figure even if I didnt get them then they would still have some more time to find a home then if they were put to sleep. They lady at the front desk was rude and was not helpful at all. She said she did not know if they had them, she said she was not sure if they came in. The security guy was helping me though. He asked this other guy to help me, he said he could not because he was busy. I was the only one in there and I wish I could tell someone where I woke Im busy I can't help you right now. Finally, the lady said just walk her throught there and see if she sees the dogs. Get their ID #'s. We walk thgough all these sad eyes and heavy hearts. I wish I could save them all. We were getting to the end and I finally seen them. I started to talk and they went crazy, I pet them got their little numbers and then filled out the paperwork to try to get them out of their jail sentance.
They are pit/lab mixes but their temperment is more like a lab then a pit. They said they would have to do a back ground check on me since you know they are part pits and we live in good ole' Memphis the pitbull fighting captial of America I swear. So now we will wait and see I already found one a home, I just need to find the other one a home.
I am only writting this because it just burns my ass how people do with animals. No human being in this world can love unconditionally. But Animals can. Because there are people on death row who have been there for years for killing others and have no real soul, yet they are fed and taken care of through our tax dollars. But a puppy who should have a chance of love in this world only has three days before it is put to sleep. Where are the minds of people in this world. I say put the killers on death row in a cage and have them wait to be killed. Im sorry I just love animals of all kinds there is not one animal in my house now that was not rescued from a sheltor or a life on the street. My girls are fixed, but the boys aren't(cats) but they never, and I do mean NEVER go outside. But they will be fixed to soon.
I know this has been long but this is pure thought running out of my head. I hope everyone else is doing good.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Tired

Im so sleepy today. Why? Really I have no idea. I don't feel like thinking I don't feel like listening to the non sense of the people I work with right now. I can't explain them and really dont have the energy to explain them.
Now, for a good note that has made me so excited. I have finally found another house to rent a nice house. I will be renting it from a friend of mines moma. So she is letting me paint it the colors I want. I have been there every day when I get off work to get it ready. I will be moving in in October. Which is really exciting. Here is a picture of the front of it.

I just can't wait to get there and start playing in the yard too. I will have more pictures once I start to do all that I want to do.
I know this has not been the greatest post but like I said I am so sleepy.
Hugs & Kisses!

Monday, August 11, 2008

ah, the weekends gone.

I had a super weekend, it was very relaxing to say the least. No drama, No fights, No aggervations. It was almost perfect. The best part of this weekend was watching the openning cerimonies of the 2008 Olympics. Did y'all watch it? I know it looked awesome on T.V. I could only imagine what it would have been like to be there in person. The funniest part though is I have never really been into the Olympics, Never really watched it or cared to. But this year so far it is the only thing you will catch me watching. I'm definatly addicted.
Now to more sombering news, I loved Bernie Mac, and am very sad that he is no longer with us. I know we are born and we will leave this earth, but sometimes it feels as if the time people do have here is to short. Yes, they make a great impact, however how much more could the impact be if there time was not up. I hope that his family is doing well. I hope that all the prayers in the world bring some comfort to them in their time of greiving.
When I die, all everyone has to do is just throw a huge party. Just be happy that I am in a better place. Be happy that I got to live the life I did. I want there to be dancing and drinking, and just a huge party. No, tears just laughter. I will still be looking down at the world.
That was a lot more then I thought I had in my head to write. I hope this week is great for everyone, I hope that you all laugh, and smile and love the people surrounding you.
Kisses & Hugs.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Hmmm

Im not really sure what to talk about. How this week has been strange. But how I am happy it is almost over. In the past week I have quit a friendship that was bringing way to much drama into my life. I think I do this thing ever couple of years. It is like a evaluation of me, my life, and the people in my life. I decide where do I want to go? What type of person am I wanting to be? What are my morals and values now that I have learned more about life, and so on. At this point when I start to do this I start to also look at the people who surround my life. My mom says (like tons of people) You are like those who you surround your self with. Well, this paticular person has been a friend for a long time, however he lies so much, that I was time & time again pulled into it. I decieded that I don't lie, so there for I don't want to be assoicated with someone who is nothing but a lie. I voiced how I felt and that is that. Sometimes it sucks to loose friends but it is better to know who you are and what you want. Eliminate what is not working in your life. Eliminate what is holding you back from reaching your whole potential.

I am not perfect by any means, but I am always trying to better myself as a human in this world. I don't need anymore then life it's self standing in my way. I do not go out and seek drama, so I really don't want it when it is placed in my lap.

So my letter of good bye to all the bad. It was nice and fun while it lasted but there comes a point where I have to be happy. Happy with myself, happy with my life. Yes it will be hard not to talk to you everyday. Yes it will be hard to not have you to lean on. At the same time I am like a cat I always land on my feet with a smile. So I wish you the best. The best is what I will become.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Im starting fresh.

I had a blog that people were starting to get a little out of control on. So I erased it and decided to start new somewhere, where no one can hopefully find me. If you know me you know me, I have had a lot I blogged about that I wish I still had to put on here but I dont. I will explain more later.